Caring For Your Hygiene When Depressed

By: Kiana Blake-Chung

Happy Black History Month to the disabled, mentally ill, neurodivergent Black people who get on the internet and every other day have to bear witness to the hygiene Olympics that take place on Twitter and in TikTok comments suggesting that Black people practice good hygiene and those that don’t are not in alignment with their community. I see you. I feel you. I won’t shame you. And I think you’re “Black enough”. This discourse doesn’t serve those of us who live with the difficulty of a disability and any subsequent shame it might bring and I have fought hard to release myself from this shame while finding a hygiene practice that works for me so that I can keep myself clean. If you’re here, we’re in this together, so let’s get into some of the methods that I find helpful.

For as long as I can remember I have always held the most shame about my hygiene. It started one day in Sunday school when I was chewing on the end of one of my braids. “That’s disgusting” the Sunday school teacher had said in front of the whole class. “Your hair is dirty– when was the last time you washed it?” I was searching my brain for the answer to her question and could not find the answer at all, but I replied, lying my ass off in church, “just last week!” It had most definitely been longer than a month, possibly approaching three. As we piled into the mini van after service that day I told my mom that she needed to wash our hair STAT. Hair washing was an ordeal for my mother, who had to wash four heads in a row and blow dry it all by herself. I remember this particularly long spell was due to her dominant hand being broken. More than two decades later, and long since I have been able to shower and wash my hair independently, it is still something I have never managed to do on a daily basis. 

If you’ve ever taken my Preparing for Depressive Episodes webinar, you know that I have a whole segment devoted to addressing your physical needs in a depressive episode. Every category of physical need is broken into subcategories describing how much energy each of them takes. The idea is to have a plan to take care of your hygiene on good days, medium days and the days when you can hardly get out of bed. 

You may think having a good day mentally would mean having the capacity to take a shower but there are many other tasks that have been put on the back burner and reserved for a good day. More pressing tasks could include: administrative tasks like setting or going to appointments, cooking or cleaning, work/ school projects, and even being social/ spending quality time with loved ones. My good days are more frequent so I try to equally rotate between tasks. And even then, in the winter time, showering once a week feels like a major accomplishment. 

Creating Incentive to Shower

I genuinely enjoy showering, but for some reason my head is convinced that behind my bath curtain is a torture chamber I despise. Although, once I’m in the shower, I thoroughly enjoy the experience. Framing it in my mind as a luxury is one way I convince myself to shower. I will light candles that I keep in the bathroom at all times (to eliminate a step) and turn the lights out to have an experience that feels indulgent. Finding good smelling products you enjoy also creates a luxurious atmosphere, and certain smells can be therapeutic.

Another trusted tactic is to keep a plant in the windowsill of my shower that I am only allowed to water when I’m in the shower, and that is one way to ensure I am— at minimum— getting in the shower once a week. (I have killed every other plant that was in my apt, but this one baby is still kicking and I must keep it that way!) 

My bathroom plant is still kicking!

Managing Your Hygiene Between Showers

Sink baths A.K.A. bird baths A.K.A. “hoe baths” as they’ve been dubbed by millennials are a staple to get you through stretches where you don’t have the energy to shower. At the very least, genitals and armpits getting a pass over with some soap and a washcloth will help to eliminate odors and prevent embarrassment if you are someone with a distinct and strong natural smell. 

Baby wipes are also my best friend. I keep a package of them in my nightstand beside my bed so feeling fresh is always within arms reach. 

My handy-dandy nightstand drawer.

I got a Tushy bidet in 2021 and my life was forever changed. Using a bidet or baby wipes after the bathroom gives a different baselevel clean feeling that prevents me from feeling as dirty as I would otherwise feel. If you can go a stretch of time without showering, I highly suggest investing in a bidet. You’ll also reduce toilet paper waste. 

If you have no energy for anything else, please make sure you find the gumption to change your underwear daily before leaving the house. 

Rubber Ducky makes teeth brushing time lots of fun!

Managing Dental Hygiene When You Struggle With Mental Illness

I could never relate to that Barney song where they sang “brushing your teeth can be so much fun” because brushing my teeth has always felt like an immense chore. The shame of having bad breath has helped me tremendously with putting aside my dislike to brush regularly, particularly when I am leaving the house and know I will be interacting with people in public. The introduction of face masks in 2020 also helped me to be more consistent with my oral hygiene, as I’ve been forced to smell my concentrated breath in close proximity for the last six years. 

Making teeth brushing fun or seem whimsical is one way I get myself to do it consistently. I do this by making it a goal on my Finch to do list, having a vibrating toothbrush, buying toothbrush covers and other whimsical toothbrush storage devices, like my rubber ducky. Finding a toothpaste and dental floss flavor that I enjoy is another way to reduce unsavory sensory aspects of brushing my teeth. 

Still, sometimes I have moments of exhaustion so deep I don’t want to get out of bed to brush my teeth and for that reason I have added to my nightstand drawer some floss pickers so I can manually scrape plaque from my teeth while laying down. Sometimes doing that is enough to make me hop out of bed and brush them for real and others I’ll just pop in the fancy Underbrush gum, or another like it, that contains hydroxyapatite and other chemicals for your teeth. If I want to encourage myself to get to the bathroom I will drink a full bottle of water and eventually my bladder will force me into the bathroom where, once there, I will brush my teeth. 

I keep a toothbrush at work at all times for days when I may be in a hurry and forget to brush before I leave home. This way, I am always covered because even if I can’t find the urge to brush my teeth when I am at home, being at work cancels that out for some reason.

Managing Facial Hygiene When You Struggle With Mental Illness

Of all the different types of hygiene, the one I most prioritize is my facial hygiene. As an adolescent I used to have horrible acne, and still have moments where my skin will breakout and how my skin looks at any given moment strongly affects my self-esteem. At the very least I wash my face daily, usually to rid it of makeup. 

When soap and water feels like too much work, I like to use a gentle face cleanser that doesn’t create a lather and wipe it off with a towel. Micellar water is also great at removing makeup and I keep wipes inside my nightstand drawer for easy access. When my skin does start to break out, I rely upon the acne patches to get zits under control quickly, especially the microneedle ones designed for the pimples that are deep within my skin layers. Skincare is so specific to the individual but I hope that you can find some products that work for your skin type and are easy to use without any fuss so that you can still keep your face fresh when you’re struggling. 

A gentle non-foaming cleanser can just wipe right off your face with a towel; no water needed.

If you struggle with your hygiene because of your disability, try not to be hard on yourself. Take the steps to accommodate yourself and create a hygiene practice that works for you because you do deserve to feel fresh and clean, even when you’re struggling. If you found this post helpful and would like more information about how I make my life more accessible when I’m struggling with a depressive episode, you can purchase a recording of my Preparing for Depressive Episodes webinar. 

S/O to Blakeley G for editing!

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