From Trauma to Triumph - A Journey of Healing from PTSD
By: Srijani Mitra
Trigger Warning: mentions of child abuse, sexual abuse
The topic of trauma has always been difficult to deal with as a society, and on a personal level, because of the layered effects of trauma in my life. I am a survivor of complex trauma and my recent Complex PTSD diagnosis came as a complete surprise. Over time I have become hypervigilant. I feel that there's someone trying to attack me whenever there's a disagreement with a person or a simple change of tone feels quite disheartening and anxiety provoking. The lack of awareness about the complex experience of survivors is concerning. Healing from the lasting effects of trauma becomes very difficult when there aren’t many professionals knowledgeable in this experience. The good news is it’s quite achievable to start the healing journey and eventually heal.
What is trauma?
Psychological trauma is a type of damage to the mind that occurs as a result of a severely distressing event. Trauma is often the result of an overwhelming amount of stress that exceeds one’s ability to cope or integrate the emotions involved with that experience. Over time I have realised how my past trauma affects both my present and future, but I feel the path to recovery can be attained with self reliance and intense faith in the healing process. I have always tried to channel my chaotic feelings through artistic progress and storytelling. I love thinking of the present and enjoy every moment talking to my loved ones and practising art. According to statistics, about 1 in 3 women and nearly 1 in 6 men experience some form of sexual violence during their lifetimes. Trauma, whether or not it leaves a mark on your body, imprints itself quite vividly onto your mind, memory, and even perception, shaping the way you navigate the world and your relationships. For years and years, I didn’t know what it actually meant to live without the unbearable weight of my trauma; it always declared its presence in my sleep, dreams or even at sudden times during consciousness. I wouldn’t be able to list every single person, incident, moment and proposition that has boosted my life force and given me the confidence to thrive amidst such heaviness and chaos, because we would be here all day. But I want to share what has helped my healing journey immensely.
My Story
Even though I used to get my wants fulfilled as a child and was sometimes offered the most expensive of dresses and toys, I didn't feel emotionally validated. There was a certain lack of safety and care from my parents and I grew up with low confidence originating from the lack of a truly safe space. It was hard to reconcile the juxtaposition of my dad occasionally spoiling me and pampering me while he would also commonly instigate fights that would end with him physically and, at times, sexually abusing me. It was also quite hurtful to me that during such violent fights between my father and me, my mother would never stand up and rather support my father, allowing him to beat me ruthlessly. My body no longer felt like mine and became its own entity - one of hatred and unbelonging. My parents felt alien and added to my burden everyday.
Photo de Savannah B. sur Unsplash
During moments of intense sorrow and pain, I’d call my maternal aunt who provided me with support in whatever way possible. She gave me the strength to survive and encouraged me to study hard to make my mark in this world so that I can be as strong and independent as I want to be. The infrequent conversations with female friends at school also gave me courage. I had two girl friends who shared my name as a young girl. We shared our stories of trauma, ate lunch during breaks and built our own strength.
My counsellor at school whom I called “Aunty” was first to identify my suppressed anxiety and provided me free sessions once a week. I was a shy child and quite reluctant in visiting her tiny little chamber all alone, yet she would always encourage me with compliments and sometimes even walked me to her room from class on her own. She taught me the value of self-discipline and emotional control through simple anecdotes and projective tests, like making up a story from looking at picture cards. The support from such exceptionally powerful women inspired me to work hard towards becoming the strongest version of myself.
Healing Through Creativity
Healing began as I courageously started voicing my struggles and found publications that graciously accepted my poems for publication. My poems are my happy place and I feel this act of creative expression is an empowering process for every trauma survivor. The moment I write my words of pain, struggle on the page, I feel my empowered self ignite to write a positive ray of hope in the next line.
The catharsis of dance has always helped me transform the heaviness of my chest and mind into some free, fluid form of creativity. I feel lighter when I dance. My journey towards becoming fit, inspired by my partner, also helped me in dealing with all my feelings and complex mental health issues.
Getting Help from a Therapist
In the last few months, I noticed the occurrence of traumatic flashbacks. While I was bathing or trying to sleep at night, I used to feel a little unsafe due to sudden thoughts of being beaten or the hatred of my body after a sexual assault. When I reported this to my aunt and my partner they convinced me to seek out a therapist. Therapy hasn’t just been a process of recalling and constant venting—it’s been a process of reclaiming myself for myself and all who actually care about me. I have learned that healing isn’t linear; there’s no fixed timetable, and no such thing as a quick fix. It’s a constant, evolving journey and I am glad to give myself this opportunity to actually heal through emotional processing.
I am blessed to be in therapy and the most important aspect of therapy is to give ourselves time. My therapist is a wise lady. Her words of empowerment and constant effort in helping me fill me with gratitude. Over time I have pushed myself to do every task assigned by my therapist, and while there may be a long way to go, my improvement encourages me to keep going.
Healing in Community
While I was establishing myself as a writer I met the greatest support of my life, my partner, Rajdeep. He validates me every single day. On days when I looked into the mirror, and cried thinking “I am not good enough”, he would support me with affirmations that meant the world. He made me realise my value. The unconditional love he provides me with has helped heal the wounds and scars of my childhood. I feel safe that he is always there with me, guiding me unconditionally. I am blessed that we are together in my healing journey.
My passion project, Trauma Survivors Poetry Anthology, that I developed with the organization Promoting Awareness Victim Empowerment helps in promoting awareness in society about survivors of sexual violence. As a part of this women led foundation, I have been so supported that I have no words to express my deep gratitude. Each woman on the team has empowered my vision of promoting mental health and cathartic art. I have raised my voice against various mental health injustices in video podcasts, and I feel these are just the small steps that we can take to experience growth in our healing journey. I am humbled to receive such encouragement from women of all creeds, age, and walks of life and this makes me believe in the collective power of us.
Photo de Yoann Boyer sur Unsplash
Trauma survivors are absolute warriors. As women, we have the ability to lift each other up, to share our different stories, and to create spaces where others can heal. Empowered women truly do empower women, not just through words but through the strength of living an exemplary life, sharing our lived experiences, and creating safe communities where healing and growth are truly celebrated.
My journey is ongoing, and I’ve come to accept it wholeheartedly and embrace it happily. I still witness days when the memories resurface, and the weight of the past feels heavy. When that happens, I focus on my shoulders, not the weight in my chest, until I feel that I am back in the present. I breathe regularly and exercise with weights. I affirm myself that healing is possible. Through art, therapy, and positive affirmation from my partner, support systems and myself, I am becoming the woman I always wanted to be—one who walks through the world with courage, with grace, and with the power to transform pain into purpose.
So, this is an ode to every woman who has suffered and survived, every woman who is still navigating her own trauma and healing: we are not alone. Our stories matter and our journeys are important. We are resilient enough to work toward a future full of peace, love and empowerment. Our strength comes from within and our deepest connections.
Srijani Mitra is an Indian poet, writer and researcher. Her collaborative research paper on pornography and youth in guidance of Professor Alan Mckee is to be published by Culture,Health,Sexuality Journal. She is working on a poetry anthology on survivors of trauma for Promoting Awareness, Victim Empowerment NGO.
You can support Sijrani’s poetry by buying a zine on her Ko-Fi
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